...was the second most common request I used to get, after actual session inquiries. Third most common request used to be for “bobs and vagene” pictures -- all from the time when I still had the contact form. But  it did make me wonder what exactly on my website or social media screams “single and looking” -- because, if given a choice between getting a boyfriend or getting haemorrhoids, I'd honestly choose the latter... But you have clicked on the menu button, so for one reason or another, you are curious.

 

I am an independent, educated, worldly, gregarious, infinitely interesting, attractive and solvent woman with many a story to tell and wisdom to share. I also have a very exotic job, have lived across the globe and can stand my own ground.  I can see how this can inspiring curiosity in men to see whom, if anyone, I would consider dating.

 

Curiosity, though, is one thing. Writing to me, as a complete stranger from the Internet, treating Google search engine as your personal dating site, to actually ask me out, with an expectation of a positive response, and in firm belief that you are the first and only person to whom it has occurred to do so, ever, in the last decade, and that I should feel blessed and overjoyed, even though you are not kinky and think the lifestyle is a deadly sin -- but now that you have written to me I will change, and I will drop everything to become your wife-cum-housekeeper and take care of you and you alone. Oh my god if it weren’t for YOU I would have perished, an un-loved virgin left out on the shelf… #happy #crying #blessed -- THAT is a profoundly impressive kind of lunacy.  Let me tell you one thing: a Nigerian General needing to transfer lottery winnings into my bank account has a higher chance of getting that positive response. And his chances are catastrophically small...

 

But let’s suppose, for a minute, that after reading all this, you are still interested in dating me and want to ask me out. Before doing so, please PLEASE ask yourself: Are you a billionaire? Have you climbed Everest? Have you invented carrot cake? Do you have your own hedge fund? Do you fly fighter jets for work? It may look like I exaggerate for effect, but I don't -- those are some of the guys I had turned down or divorced before.

 

The circumstances under which a random stranger from the Internet can have a chance at dating me include frozen hell, flying pigs and a sudden Zombie Apocalypse where he becomes a heroic pet-saving scientist living in a next-door bunker. For what am I if not a romantic?

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