The Great Reset
Updated: Aug 12
I KEEP six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
Life is a funny thing, isn’t it? When you look at it up close, it is so complicated! We, humans, are like ants, always too busy, always rushing somewhere, always running out of time, meeting people, doing business, and being such busy-bodies that we barely have time to sit down and have a slow coffee. In fact, many people don’t even know that that “slow coffee” concept exists.
Up to 2020 I was like that, too. Always going somewhere seemed fun, being busy made me feel sought after and important, and not always remembering in which country you currently were felt like a status symbol and validation at the same time. Even the very thought of slowing down was giving me massive “FOMO” attacks -- the acute fear that if I do not go, do not take up the offer, I will regret it. Maybe not then, maybe not the next day -- but soon, and for the rest of my life...
Was I enjoying my life, there, in the moment? Honestly -- I do not know!? I would like to think “yes”, but I was too busy to even notice such a thing! Plus, everything beside work has been burning down around me, so work was also a form of escapism. Because who needs thinking and introspection when you’ve got the next flight to catch, right???
“More, better, harder” has been the mantra. And not just for me, but for a lot of my colleagues and clients as well. “Earn now -- sleep later!” was one of my favourites. And the fact that I deeply enjoyed my work was only giving that principle the positive affirmation it did not need.
And then came a massive burn-out, followed closely by the Covid Lockdown. And all my escapism has ended…
Some many years ago, when I was still married, I was in Nepal for a few months with a veterinary NGO. Instead of the usual trek the volunteers like myself would do having accumulated their days off, I decided to do a Vipassana -- a 10 day noble meditation (no speaking, no reading, no eye contact, no writing, no news, no contact with the outside world!) retreat in the mountain range of Kathmandu. It was suggested to me by a fellow volunteer as a joke, and a week after I’ve learnt it exists, and having never meditated in my life before, I was off to a good start, while my then-colleagues were making bets at how long before I’d be kicked out for making sock puppets and talking amongst myself.
I did finish it fully, with flying colours, and it was an absolutely extraordinary experience. It made me look differently at my life, my dreams, my aspirations. It was there that I realised becoming a Pro Domme was my next calling, and that my life needed a massive reset… Fast forward quite a few years, and the Great Burn-Out teamed with the First Lockdown have put me into a relatively similar set of conditions. I had no other option but to sit myself down, make myself a slow cup of tea, and reflect upon my life.
One of the magical things about life is that when you zoom in closely enough, it is so busy and overstuffed with thoughts, details and actions that it is impossible to see the woods for the trees. You need to zoom out! And when you zoom out far enough, you start seeing an interesting picture -- we all are, as I was back then, just running around trying to find an answer -- or trying to avoid finding answers -- to the six most basic questions: who, what, when, where, how and why. No more, no less…
But the trick is, those answers are not static, they grow and change in the same way as we do -- even if we find the answers once it does not mean that those answers will be valid in ten years. For if they were -- how many of us would be Queens of Ice Cream Machines, riding giant hamsters to work and taking tests to become peg-legged Pirates in search of the lost treasures? (This is loosely based on my own dreams when I was 7. You may have your own references!)
I have grown up and changed a lot since I first made my first tiny meek steps on the FemDom Avenue… But did I even have the answers? Some of them? Any of them? And did my answers to the questions above reflect the progress I have made over all those years?
No, reader, they did not. In my mind, I was still that delicate “ugly duckling” trying to crawl out from the marriage rubble to build up the courage to pursue my dreams... In a moment of time and space, I have realised that what I was doing to myself was like keeping myself in school, in the Honour Roll, but perpetually repeating the 5th grade.
Now, there is nothing wrong with the 5th grade, nor the knowledge one is to acquire there. But if you do it 6 years in a row -- concerns have to be voiced! And I was stuck in a very familiar albeit glamorous rut of doing more and more to keep myself neither growing nor happy -- for longer and longer!!
The weird thing is -- through all that time I have been closely monitoring my “what” and business success, and adapting and changing strategies very regularly, twice a year, to be precise. As I have said in my previous post, the “what” was never the problem. But all the while, I have never once checked in with myself, with the “who” -- and I have grown from that “ugly duckling” wannabe into a majestic FemDom Swan who could break your arm off if you weren’t courteous enough...
I loved my job, had years of experience, a social clout, unique and specific appeal and “personal brand,” a very loyal and enviable client base (in my last two years of touring ALL my tours were fully booked and oversubscribed -- YES, I did have to turn people away, I am not joking!) -- yet somehow I still functioned on the old premise of an Ugly Duckling with Impostor Syndrome.
And that was about to change!